Stages Of Grief As Described In 'on Death And Dying'

Most of us upon hearing that we are indeed going to die in the near future of a certain ailment or from injuries sustained; go through a period of denial, even if it is only for a brief while. The stage of denial is when we are unable or unwilling to accept that the loss you have feared or have been thinking about all of your life is actually upon you. You may even think or expect that the diagnosis is false and a mistake and someone will tell you shortly that you are going to live after all.

The stage of anger follows quickly for most as they leave the stage of denial. They realize that a reprieve is not going to happen and they become angry at themselves for letting this happen, or at a "higher power" for allowing it to happen. They may even get angry at the disease, or accident or crime that created this scenario of death.

In the bargaining stage comes the part where begging is done to spare your life. You may appeal to the higher power to change the diagnosis or heal your injuries if you promise to improve your behavior or perform some spectacular task in exchange for a reversal of your death sentence.

At some point the individual realizes that anger and bargaining is not making any headway regarding the approaching death and the person may sink into a phase of depression as they grapple with the reality of their own death. In this stage the individual may withdraw from others, even those they love. Crying, changes in sleep patterns or appetite are common in this stage of grief. During depression it is common to feel that you somehow, even if it does not make sense contributed to the fact that death will happen.

If the stages of grief have been navigated successfully, the last stage of grief will be entered and the individual will be in the period known as acceptance. This is the time in which the individual is able to plan for the impending death and to again re-engage in daily life, connecting once again with loved ones.

Dr. Kubler-Ross' theory presented in her book has been both popular and challenged. Scientific research has not as of yet been able to support her theory concerning the stages of grief.

Others have belief's that death is approached in a series of tasks that are designed to prepare oneself and loved ones for the event of death.

Each of us when faced with our own death must, as in birth, make our way to the final days with whatever coping mechanisms work.

Many individuals nonetheless use the stages of grief discussed in Dr. Kubler-Ross' book as a model for coping with the grief that surrounds death. Books are after all the tools we use to guide us in decision-making situations, or we use them to guide us as we navigate unknown waters. We may not agree with everything between the covers, but a book can certainly give us new ideas and ways of looking at things that stretch our understanding of the concepts of this world and perhaps even the after-life. We all try to grasp the concept of death from our very first brush with it in childhood. When faced with intense grief, answers are what we need. Knowing that what we are feeling is normal can bring some measure of relief.

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