Helping Your Child Deal With Death

As much as we want to shield our kids from the unpleasant aspects of life, sooner or later they will encounter death. It can be difficult to know how to help your child to cope with loss. It is especially difficult when you may also be dealing with the loss in your own way.

How you can help your child to deal with death will depend on the age of the child and the ability of the child to understand what has happened. Sometimes life's experiences can help prepare for losing someone close to them such as an experience with a goldfish. Kids can understand simple ideas that have meaning with familiar objects.

Always try to use terms the child can easily understand. Try to talk to the child at an appropriate time and not when the child is hungry or tired.

Do not expect every child to handle loss in the same way. Each child is unique and will process death in a way that is comfortable for them.

Kids under age 6 have a very literal view of their world so explain death to them in very basic terms. The child may need to know that the person's body stopped working, or was broke and could not be fixed. A child this young may have trouble understanding that death means that the person is not coming back. This is why kids this age will ask for the person many times, not understanding that death is final. Try not to use the words, "went to sleep", or you may have a difficult time getting your child to go to sleep at night.

Kids older than 6 and younger than 10 can usually understand that death is final. A child in this age group will often times think that a person will not die if only he would be good or if the person hold's a special toy. A child in this age group can best deal with explanations of death that are honest, simple and accurate.

Mature kids, over 10 and through the teen years can understand that all living creatures die eventually even those he or she knows. They understand that they too will die someday. Kids this age may be fearful of death and need to be reassured that there are things they can do to stay safe and healthy.

Teens will do more searching about death and want to find answers to questions such as, "is there an afterlife?" It is best to encourage a teen to explore feelings and to share grief and pain.

Attending Funerals:

Kids have the right to mourn and it may be appropriate to have them participate in the mourning process if they wish to. You should explain what will happen at a "wake" or "showing" as well as what the funeral will be like. Explain that the person who died will be lying in a large box called a casket.

If you are too emotional to assist your child during a funeral service, enlist the help of a family member or friend to be with your child.

Allowing your child to see how you mourn gives the child permission to express pain and sorrow. Crying and sadness is a natural reaction to death. It is also important to let the child know that no matter how sad or how much you cry, you will still be able to take care of them.

Recommended Reading

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2. Where To Die - There are several choices when it comes to where you die. The majority of Americans die in a hospital. Others...
3. Preparing For The Final Stages Of Life - The body goes through the final stages of dying on 3 levels: physical, spiritual and emotional. The dying individual goes...