Brain To Testicles

Our drama opens on an empty stage with a movie screen behind it. There is nothing else on the stage but a lectern. We hear the sound of a creaky stage door opening, and then slamming closed. We hear the sound of heels echoing, getting louder.

Presently, we see a man, half in shadow. He has short dark hair and a dark suit. The man climbs the stairs and walks to the lectern which is lit by a single spotlight. He will be our narrator for the night. The man stands behind the lectern, and as the light hits his face, we realize that the man resembles Rod Serling.

NARRATOR: Good evening.

A projector starts to hum, and onscreen, we see an outline of a man's body, with two bright lights highlighting his forehead and his groin.

NARRATOR: Submitted for your approval. This man is named Andy Androson, a man in his mid-fifties who lives in Southern California. Andy is a happy man who lives a life of excitement. He is a hard charger at work. Andy has a full social life. Girls love him. When he's not romancing the ladies, Andy is a rugged outdoorsman who excels at hunting and fishing. In his spare time he likes to lift weights and prizefight.

Suddenly, on Andy's outline, the two lights begin to flash.

NARRATOR: Andy would not be where he is today without his three closest friends.

NARRATOR: This is Brian Brain, Andy's chief advisor. When Andy needs quick decisions and intelligent opinion, Brian is right there to give them to him. Andy's nickname for him is "Brainy".

NARRATOR: And these are twins, Tim and Tom Testes. They are fun guys who like action and excitement. Don't get them riled, though, or you might be looking at a knuckle sandwich. These guys think and act alike, and so Andy's nickname for them is "The Twins."

The outline on the screen is a picture of a tanned, muscled man in a pair of Speedos. He is relaxing against a wall, smiling, and watching people pass by. Someone begins to speak, but it is not the NARRATOR. It is Andy's friend Brainy.

BRAINY: Hoo-boy, guys, check out that beautiful redhead in the bikini! She has got it going on…I think we'd like to…like to…?Twins?

TWINS: Huh?

BRAINY: I said I think we'd like to…to…

TWINS: Listen, Brainy, it's been a hard week and we just want to hang out.

BRAINY: I can't believe you said that! Andy! Andy! Hey, are you listening to this?

ANDY ANDROSEN: Yeah, well you take care of it, Brainy (yawns). I think I feel like a nap.

BRAINY: ARRRGH!

NARRATOR: The Chinese possess ancient wisdom. Young men, flush with testosterone, will strive and compete and fight while they accrue possessions, power, and position. As the years fly by, testosterone wanes until a man finds himself at the end of the first phase of his life. Now flowers the second half of life, when a man may nurture, mentor, and take a nap when he feels like it. Some call it the male climacteric. We call it…andropause.

Recommended Reading

1. The Irritable Man - It all started in Scotland, when a researcher noticed that rams became irritable, withdrawn and irrational when their testosterone levels...
2. Who Shouldn't Use Testosterone - A friend of mine used to work as a medical assistant in an internal medicine practice....
3. Male Menopause By The Numbers - It's a fact that as a culture we tend to like to express as many concepts as possible in mathematical...
4. Number Crunching In Andropause - Andropause is a medical term for the male menopause that many people are not familiar with. Indeed, there are many...